February 17th, 2019

A few weeks ago as I was praying, I asked God "What is my purpose?"
Sounds a little ridiculous right? As a mom of two wondering what my calling is in this life.
Or maybe you're like me, and you can't help but feel like you were made for something big too.

Kayla V Photography



Because if I'm being honest, becoming a mom wasn't as easy of a transition as I thought it would be.
Don't get me wrong. I knew I always wanted kids. I love my boys. I love this adventure they've taken me on. And I love knowing God chose me to raise them.

But there are times I'm questioning myself, as if I'm suppose to do more because some days being a mom doesn't seem like it's enough. It was this longing in my heart for something, and I couldn't put my finger on it.

You see, I enjoyed my job before I had kids.
I enjoyed retail and merchandising.
I enjoyed dressing up, even if that meant wearing "nice pants" and blazers.
I enjoyed interacting with people.

Nowadays, you'll mostly find me in sweats and the most interaction I have with anyone is trying to decode what my toddler is saying.
And if you're a mama too, I'm sure you understand what I mean.

So when I started my online boutique, it was like HALLELUJAH. I'm fulfilling my purpose. But after a year and a half, I couldn't give my business the attention it needed and that was hard to accept. I knew I was doing what was best for my family and I by taking a hiatus, but also a part of me felt a little disappointed. And why's that? Because once again, it seemed like being a mom wasn't enough.

Sometimes I think having access to everyone's life at the palm of our hands can be dangerous, because it leaves us questioning our calling. When the reality is God has already made it very clear. But we see women who are wearing many hats, and think maybe thats what I'm suppose to do too. Guess what though? Sometimes that works for them. Sometimes that's what God has called THEM to do. And that's okay. It's more than okay if our season doesn't align with someone else's. We need to remember our plan is so unique, and it doesn't have to be like that person we see when we're scrolling our screen.

I look at my own mother, who raised four kids so gracefully and wonder how she did it. But then I realize she wasn't distracted by her phone, comparing her life. She wasn't wondering what everyone else was doing. She was a mom and she just did the damn thing.

So when I asked God that morning what my purpose was, you know what He replied with....
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.

Mark 12:30‭-‬31


That's it. Seems kind of vague though, right?

But God was reminding me no matter what season I may be in, this is all He requires of me.
If this season God wants me to just focus on loving my family and church community, then that's what I will do.
When the day comes that I reopen my business, then I will love His people through that.
Wherever God calls me, I will remember to love first. And the same goes for you too. You can show love to your customers, clients, patients, students, without questioning your worth. It's not about the status or title we have. Because what we do, does not define who we are. Repeat that: what we do, does not define who we are.

Granted, this isn't to take away the value of our accomplishments. But at the end of the day these are only outward expressions of our identity.

I say this because the things of this world can be SO fleeting. We can lose the job we depended so much on. Being a mom means that one day we'll be empty nesters. Our health can fail, leaving us to reevaluate our day to day activities.

To put our identity in anything else will just leave us wanting more of this world and less of our Sweet Savior. Which is why it's so important that this longing we may be feeling is only fulfilled by God alone.

It seems like an easy antidote to my question, but I think there's something pretty big about wanting to love more like Jesus instead of trying to be like everyone else.
And I pray you think so too.